When Your World Comes Crashing Down

I see you there.

You feel like your world has ended, burned to the ground. That hard knot in your throat makes it impossible to talk. The words just won't come out of your mouth. You try to force them out and then the tears just start flowing again--that stupid waterfall from your eyes.

You just got THE CALL. The one your doctor told you might happen.

You just found out your marriage--the one that lasted 12 years--was his façade and built on a mountain of lies. You wonder why you fought for it in vain.

You found your child...your baby...lifeless in his little bed, still covered in his favorite snuggly blanket.

Your husband came home from work, a depth of sadness in his eyes, and told you that he was laid off with dozens of others.

........

People mean well. Some do. They bring you a casserole, give you a hug, sit and listen for a bit.

Some people though--- they purposefully ignore you in the store, they "unfriend" you...your pain makes them feel awkward.

And the verses...people keep quoting Bible verses to you--most of which you memorized in 1986, while sitting in Sunday School, chewing on the ribbons on the new dress your mom saved up to buy for you from Penney's.

"I know!", you want to shout at them. "Where is God?" "Why did He do this to me?"

Like Job in the book of the Bible that bears his name, you are experiencing hardships that others don't understand. The people who were supposed to be Job's support network, were less than supportive. Job went through a rollercoaster of emotions, but remained faithful to his God. 

As his friends badgered him with judgment of his predicament, he replied, "I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth" (Job 19:25) After Job gets a talking-to by God Himself, He truly sees the extent of God's power and that He uses all things for our good and His glory. 

Job says of God, “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." (Job 42:4-5) He had a working knowledge of God, especially since everything in his life was seemingly perfect. However, after tragedy struck, he truly realized how powerful God is. And afterward, God blessed Him more richly than He had before. 

Regardless of how well people comfort you, God is for you. He really does make beauty from ashes. I know it's difficult to see that in the moment. When your world comes crashing down, don't forget who holds yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Who has wisdom that surpasses ours. He loves you and wants to have a relationship with you. Hard things can draw us closer to Him. Lean on the Lord. He'll get you through it.

Hey, adoptive mom (and dad)...

This is hard. Maybe the hardest thing you have ever done. Some days it seems like you haven't made any progress. Some days it seems like your kids hate you.

And the Enemy...he likes to tell you that you made a mistake. You might be sitting in your bedroom floor crying and wondering if you heard God right--when you flew across the globe and brought this child into your home. Or when you said yes to those big, sad eyes that peered up at you while the social worker handed you a garbage bag filled with a few worldly possessions.

You did hear God right. Satan is a liar. You tell him to hit the road (in Jesus' Name, of course!).

Here are a few things to keep in mind through these times:

1. They have lost so much. Whether it be separation from their birthmother at the hospital, loss of their  orphanage friends, home country, language, siblings, neighborhood, etc. Even if you see their adoption as a good thing, they see loss. Confusion, sadness, fear, and anger are common reactions to loss.
2. You and your child are not enemies. I know, sometimes it feels like it. 
3. You are not alone. There are others out there who understand. It's essential to find others who are living through Reactive Attachment Disorder. Start by googling "RAD blogs". I was shocked to see how many families are out there talking about this--being open and honest about their families. 
4. Seeking professional help can seem scary, but it's important. RAD is hard to explain. Find counselors and mental health professionals who understand and have received training in RAD. (Them hearing a brief mention of RAD in one of their classes DOES NOT equate to them being trained in how to help children and families who are walking through the trenches of it. Sometimes more harm than good can come from well-meaning, but untrained mental health professionals.)

You and your kids don't have to walk this road alone. Satan wants you to feel alone. He doesn't want you or your kids to bond or heal. Don't forget--God called you to this and He loves you and those babies more than you could ever imagine. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) NIV

                                                     

                                                         

Sneaky PTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a sneaky thing. Sometimes the strangest things trigger a traumatic memory or flashback.

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in a planning meeting in the church sanctuary that will be hosting our new community recovery program. I looked down at the pew in front of me and felt all the air leave my lungs. Someone had left their camouflage colored Bible in the pew-back book holder.

I automatically panicked, "Was he here?" My ex-husband has a camo Bible. Of course, he wasn't there.  He's never been to the town that we live in now. He's in prison. It was a random Bible that someone had accidentally left there. I even checked the inscription page to make sure his name wasn't there.


Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. 
Philippians 4:6-7

Whenever you have anxiety about anything, tell Him. Only He can give you peace.

I took a deep breath and gave it to God.

Inhale. Exhale.

Summer Craftiness: Chunky Tie-Dye Crayons

Hi there! I haven't blogged much this summer. It has been extremely crazy, with kids' appointments, fundraising for our mission trip, and visiting our Little E while she's still in her residential program. Speaking of her, she's doing well, but has had some setbacks lately. Thank you to everyone who has asked about her and prayed for her.

So, on with the craftiness!

We've had to get very creative in order to raise money for this mission trip. We're down to the wire and about to have ANOTHER yard sale (you'd think we wouldn't still have so much stuff!). I roped the kids in motivated the kids to help me make these adorable tie-dye chunky crayons to package and sell at their own little booth. Come on kids, help Mom and Dad go to Honduras to tell people about Jesus! 

Aren't they pretty?? They were SO easy to make, too!

• Gather all those crayons that your kids hardly use--the freebie ones from restaurants, the ones that haven't melted into your minivan floorboards, the ones that Aunt Mable gave to them at Easter--All the Crayons!!!
• Peel those paper labels off. You can soak them off in a bowl of water, but make sure you don't soak the washable crayons! 

• Grease your muffin tin or silicone molds. You can spray them with pam, or rub on coconut oil, etc. You don't have to have as much as this...my daughter got a little carried away with the coconut oil! 

• Go ahead and preheat your oven to 275℉. 

• Peel more crayons. Break them up into 1/2- 1 inch pieces and fill your muffin cups/molds. (We used a mini muffin tin.)
• Bake for 7-10 minutes, or until completely melted. 
• Take them out of the oven (surely you know to use a pot holder, right?). At this point, you can swirl the colors with a toothpick, or sprinkle glitter on the tops. Let them cool for a few minutes. When they have cooled a bit, you can put them in the freezer to let them firm up more quickly.
• When cool, you can pop them out of the silicone molds, or bang the muffin tin on the counter (let out that pent-up frustration 😜). 

There you have it...pretty tie-dye chunky crayons! Have fun letting your kids be creative!

To Honduras We Go!

Kevin and I are going to Honduras this July with Believer's Community Church. We're so excited! It'll be his first time out of the country, and my first "official" international mission trip (even though my adoption trips may count!). We'll be based out of Campamento Viejo, Olancho, Honduras. We'll also minister in El Porvenir and San Juan Apostal. 

We plan to visit Casa Emanuel Orphanage, give out food sacks and clothes, host VBS for kids in the villages, preach the gospel, and minister to the people living in the trash dump. Jesus based his earthly ministry on meeting people's needs and building relationships. The ministry we have partnered with is unique because our church has returned each summer to minister to these communities and continue outreach in those surrounding. You can read more about this ministry here. 

I'm also hoping to gather some donations of soccer balls to take to the orphanage. These kids need some fun!

If you'd like to get involved, you can donate to our trip on our Mission Minder page. Monetary donations help us get there, but your prayers are always welcome! We can't do any of this in our own strength, nor would we want to! We're humbled that God chooses to use us! Please pray about how God would use you to partner with us in this venture.

A Boy's First Conversation with His Mother

Adopted children in general have a history of loss--no matter if they were passed from their birth mother's arms to their adopted parent's arms in the hospital, if they were abandoned at the local orphanage, or if they were taken from their original home because of their birth parents' choices. 

Bubby is a twin. He has a condition called Amyoplasia, one of the most common forms of Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita. If you've never heard of it, don't feel bad. I hadn't either, before I started the process to adopt him. It's fairly rare. As a rare disorder, there is very little knowledge and treatment for AMC in the worldwide medical community. Therefore, many doctors advise mothers pregnant with a baby with AMC to abort. That's what Bubby's birth mom was told. I actually had the opportunity to tell her thank you for choosing life for him. She chose life for her twin boys; and because they didn't have the medical support necessary to care for him, they lovingly placed him in the local orphanage and took his brother home. 

In 2011, just before his sixth birthday, I went to Ukraine and adopted him. Almost two years ago, I told him of his twin brother. He's had a desire to reunite with him ever since. 

After years of occasional looking, I got the push I needed to help Bubby find his brother when I saw this reunion of adopted twin girls on Good Morning America. 

I contacted a missionary who works in the orphanages in the area Bubby is from, and asked if he knew of how we might find his birth family. I was pleasantly surprised when he messaged me back with the family's contact information and the offer of a translator. I spoke to his birth mother first, while he was at school. Her first question to me was if he had learned to walk. I proudly told her that after many surgeries and therapies, that he could now walk. We cried happy tears together about the boy that we both love. 

The next week, Bubby had the chance to talk to her via the translator.

Here is his account of their conversation:

I was nervous while waiting to talk to my birth mom. If you're wondering if I have a birth mom, yes I'm adopted. I was scared to talk to her but I prayed to God and he give me courage to say the right words I had to say to her. The first word I said to her was "hi"and she said back to me,"Do you have good grades?". I said back to her "Yes, I have good grades". I asked her if my brothers know that I'm their brother. She said, "No. Are you mad at me?" I respond to her, "No. What does your house look like?" She said it is a small house. 

Of course, there were many more details that they talked about--like the fact that he also has a nine year old brother, but these were the topics that were the most memorable for him. We are just waiting on them to decide when the right time is for them to tell the boys that they have a brother in America. This is their story too; and they have the right to discuss the situation on their timetable.

We're excited to continue to communicate with them, exchange photos of our families, and hopefully meet one day!

Cast All Your Cares

Anxiety can be allowing yourself to go through worst-case-scenerio thoughts before anything actually happens.

We recently went through this before placing Little E in residential treatment. It was truly a "darned-if-we-do/darned-if-we-don't" situation. I obsessed over every detail. "Will she hate us?" "Will she come out worse?" "If we wait a little longer..." "What if she picks up additional bad habits?" 

And the biggest for me--"What will people think?" We went through over a year of indecision on the issue. 

We can also have anxiety about things that are in the past--second guessing decisions we've made, worrying about situations over which we have no control, etc.

I am the queen of over thinking and worry. Seriously. 

I got some Christmas money and decided I'd finally get a pair of cowgirl boots--after years of wishing and wanting. I spent days agonizing over my decision. I had a couple of windows open on my phone for different stores, with boots in my cart. I just had to read all the reviews. And obsess over the measurements of each (I have athletic calves). And make sure I found THE BEST PRICE. 

I FINALLY made a decision after trying on so many pairs. At so many stores. ACKKKK!!! What did I just do? I spent what? 

I HATE MAKING DECISIONS!!!!!!

1Peter 5:7 says: Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 

"Cast" in Greek is defined as, "to throw upon; place upon".  

It's not very hard to pray and give your anxiety to the Lord, but do you let Him keep it? 

Imagine that you're walking down the sidewalk, carrying a couple of heavy boxes. They're just high enough that you have trouble seeing over them, and they are cutting off the circulation in your arms. A friend walks by and sees you struggling. He offers to take the boxes and help you get them to your destination. Do you let him carry them the entire way, or do you snatch them back and stumble on? 

Take a few deep breathes every time you feel the anxiety rising in you. Ask God for help.  Don't take it back. 

I have to add (because I care), that if anxiety is a regular, overwhelming issue for you, please don't be afraid to see your doctor. I'm not embarrassed to admit that with all I've gone through, Zoloft does help a bit. Debilitating anxiety isn't something that should be ignored.