Now, I'm probably not the one you want to hear this from. At this point, I'm 19 weeks pregnant.
This is me:
You've had enough of that. Enough of people telling you some sex position you need to try (awkward!), or that their best friend's niece's cousin adopted and then suddenly found they were pregnant.
My situation is a bit different. My ex-husband is infertile and I dealt with the grief that comes with being told that we had less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant. The grief is real. It really is the death of a dream.
And the end of that marriage is another story for another day...
Fast forward to now-- and I have three amazing, quirky, adorable children via international adoption, and a beautiful and talented step-daughter. God did restore the years the locusts had eaten (Joel 2:25). He gave me a husband who loves and serves God above all else. He is my best friend. And he knows great loss. We get each other.
And for some reason, shortly after we got married in January, God allowed me to get pregnant. He did fulfill that dream and desire of my heart.
But for some, it's not to be. I don't pretend to know why. My heart breaks for you though.
I can't tell you why-- or what you should do next when the doctor says that in vitro is not working, there are no sperm to be found, or a hysterectomy is eminent.
Maybe you are supposed to adopt. Or maybe God is sending you into a ministry where it would be difficult to raise a family. I don't have the answers for you.
I can tell you one thing for certain.
Grieve.
Oh, please don't emotionally push past this. Don't tough it out on your own. Grieve as a couple and press into the Lord. Cry out to Him. He is your Abba Daddy and He loves you. Crawl into His Daddy lap and cry. Cling to Him and mourn this loss. And I won't lie--sometimes this step requires you to process your grief through a counselor. There is no shame.
And when you have come to a place where you are at peace, take the next brave step. Seek His will for your life and step out.
No one can tell you what that step is, except the Lord. I'm not telling you to put your fingers in your ears and chant, "La-la-la-la...", because sometimes God uses other people to show us where He is leading.
And in the meantime, it's okay to decline the baby shower invites (I've even snuck out of a couple of them while quickly wiping the tears away.) Take your time.
If this is something you are dealing with, feel free to respond in the comments. Let's talk.
If I could, I would meet with you for coffee and girl talk. The comment section will have to do at this point!
