This is hard. Maybe the hardest thing you have ever done. Some days it seems like you haven't made any progress. Some days it seems like your kids hate you.
And the Enemy...he likes to tell you that you made a mistake. You might be sitting in your bedroom floor crying and wondering if you heard God right--when you flew across the globe and brought this child into your home. Or when you said yes to those big, sad eyes that peered up at you while the social worker handed you a garbage bag filled with a few worldly possessions.
You did hear God right. Satan is a liar. You tell him to hit the road (in Jesus' Name, of course!).
Here are a few things to keep in mind through these times:
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) NIV
- They have lost so much. Whether it be separation from their birthmother at the hospital, loss of their orphanage friends, home country, language, siblings, neighborhood, etc. Even if you see their adoption as a good thing, they see loss. Confusion, sadness, fear, and anger are common reactions to loss.
- You and your child are not enemies. I know, sometimes it feels like it.
- You are not alone. There are others out there who understand. It's essential to find others who are living through Reactive Attachment Disorder. Start by googling "RAD blogs". I was shocked to see how many families are out there talking about this--being open and honest about their families.
- Seeking professional help can seem scary, but it's important. RAD is hard to explain. Find counselors and mental health professionals who understand and have received training in RAD. (Them hearing a brief mention of RAD in one of their classes DOES NOT equate to them being trained in how to help children and families who are walking through the trenches of it. Sometimes more harm than good can come from well-meaning, but untrained mental health professionals.)
You and your kids don't have to walk this road alone. Satan wants you to feel alone. He doesn't want you or your kids to bond or heal. Don't forget--God called you to this and He loves you and those babies more than you could ever imagine.
