When Your World Comes Crashing Down

I see you there.

You feel like your world has ended, burned to the ground. That hard knot in your throat makes it impossible to talk. The words just won't come out of your mouth. You try to force them out and then the tears just start flowing again--that stupid waterfall from your eyes.

You just got THE CALL. The one your doctor told you might happen.

You just found out your marriage--the one that lasted 12 years--was his façade and built on a mountain of lies. You wonder why you fought for it in vain.

You found your child...your baby...lifeless in his little bed, still covered in his favorite snuggly blanket.

Your husband came home from work, a depth of sadness in his eyes, and told you that he was laid off with dozens of others.

........

People mean well. Some do. They bring you a casserole, give you a hug, sit and listen for a bit.

Some people though--- they purposefully ignore you in the store, they "unfriend" you...your pain makes them feel awkward.

And the verses...people keep quoting Bible verses to you--most of which you memorized in 1986, while sitting in Sunday School, chewing on the ribbons on the new dress your mom saved up to buy for you from Penney's.

"I know!", you want to shout at them. "Where is God?" "Why did He do this to me?"

Like Job in the book of the Bible that bears his name, you are experiencing hardships that others don't understand. The people who were supposed to be Job's support network, were less than supportive. Job went through a rollercoaster of emotions, but remained faithful to his God. 

As his friends badgered him with judgment of his predicament, he replied, "I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth" (Job 19:25) After Job gets a talking-to by God Himself, He truly sees the extent of God's power and that He uses all things for our good and His glory. 

Job says of God, “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." (Job 42:4-5) He had a working knowledge of God, especially since everything in his life was seemingly perfect. However, after tragedy struck, he truly realized how powerful God is. And afterward, God blessed Him more richly than He had before. 

Regardless of how well people comfort you, God is for you. He really does make beauty from ashes. I know it's difficult to see that in the moment. When your world comes crashing down, don't forget who holds yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Who has wisdom that surpasses ours. He loves you and wants to have a relationship with you. Hard things can draw us closer to Him. Lean on the Lord. He'll get you through it.

Hey, adoptive mom (and dad)...

This is hard. Maybe the hardest thing you have ever done. Some days it seems like you haven't made any progress. Some days it seems like your kids hate you.

And the Enemy...he likes to tell you that you made a mistake. You might be sitting in your bedroom floor crying and wondering if you heard God right--when you flew across the globe and brought this child into your home. Or when you said yes to those big, sad eyes that peered up at you while the social worker handed you a garbage bag filled with a few worldly possessions.

You did hear God right. Satan is a liar. You tell him to hit the road (in Jesus' Name, of course!).

Here are a few things to keep in mind through these times:

1. They have lost so much. Whether it be separation from their birthmother at the hospital, loss of their  orphanage friends, home country, language, siblings, neighborhood, etc. Even if you see their adoption as a good thing, they see loss. Confusion, sadness, fear, and anger are common reactions to loss.
2. You and your child are not enemies. I know, sometimes it feels like it. 
3. You are not alone. There are others out there who understand. It's essential to find others who are living through Reactive Attachment Disorder. Start by googling "RAD blogs". I was shocked to see how many families are out there talking about this--being open and honest about their families. 
4. Seeking professional help can seem scary, but it's important. RAD is hard to explain. Find counselors and mental health professionals who understand and have received training in RAD. (Them hearing a brief mention of RAD in one of their classes DOES NOT equate to them being trained in how to help children and families who are walking through the trenches of it. Sometimes more harm than good can come from well-meaning, but untrained mental health professionals.)

You and your kids don't have to walk this road alone. Satan wants you to feel alone. He doesn't want you or your kids to bond or heal. Don't forget--God called you to this and He loves you and those babies more than you could ever imagine. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) NIV