Hey, adoptive mom (and dad)...

This is hard. Maybe the hardest thing you have ever done. Some days it seems like you haven't made any progress. Some days it seems like your kids hate you.

And the Enemy...he likes to tell you that you made a mistake. You might be sitting in your bedroom floor crying and wondering if you heard God right--when you flew across the globe and brought this child into your home. Or when you said yes to those big, sad eyes that peered up at you while the social worker handed you a garbage bag filled with a few worldly possessions.

You did hear God right. Satan is a liar. You tell him to hit the road (in Jesus' Name, of course!).

Here are a few things to keep in mind through these times:

1. They have lost so much. Whether it be separation from their birthmother at the hospital, loss of their  orphanage friends, home country, language, siblings, neighborhood, etc. Even if you see their adoption as a good thing, they see loss. Confusion, sadness, fear, and anger are common reactions to loss.
2. You and your child are not enemies. I know, sometimes it feels like it. 
3. You are not alone. There are others out there who understand. It's essential to find others who are living through Reactive Attachment Disorder. Start by googling "RAD blogs". I was shocked to see how many families are out there talking about this--being open and honest about their families. 
4. Seeking professional help can seem scary, but it's important. RAD is hard to explain. Find counselors and mental health professionals who understand and have received training in RAD. (Them hearing a brief mention of RAD in one of their classes DOES NOT equate to them being trained in how to help children and families who are walking through the trenches of it. Sometimes more harm than good can come from well-meaning, but untrained mental health professionals.)

You and your kids don't have to walk this road alone. Satan wants you to feel alone. He doesn't want you or your kids to bond or heal. Don't forget--God called you to this and He loves you and those babies more than you could ever imagine. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) NIV

                                                     

                                                         

"Is she your first?"

I'm asked quite often if Baby Bear is my first child. More often than not, it happens when she and I are out and about while the big kids are in school.

I always seem to trip up at this question--as if it were a crack in the sidewalk.

"Well, sort of. I mean..."

Technically, she is my first biological child. And that's a pretty big deal if you know my journey with infertility. However, she's the very youngest of five kids.

The Sissies and the Bubby, as we refer to them. 

My tripping over my answer doesn't negate their value at all. They are forever and always, our kids. None of the four big kids came from my womb like Baby Bear did, and that doesn't change my love for them. Not in the least. It does, however, give me a great segue to share my story. And sometimes, God tends to use it in other's lives. I'm glad He does. I'm humbled He does.

The roles in our family are a bit tricky to explain to others--- kind of like how I'm bouncing the Bear on my leg and typing with my free hand, on the laptop that is rocking back and forth on the ottoman, as I sit in her bedroom floor. I'm just here mommyin'.

So, no matter what your family looks like, just keep on mommyin'.  You don't owe anyone an explanation, but God just might use your story to glorify Himself.