Cast All Your Cares on Him

It's been a day.

My morning started out with having to confront my RADish daughter about stealing money from my wallet. It is frustrating and disheartening to have to deal with the same repeated behaviors that are a result of her Reactive Attachment Disorder.  (Please...for the love, DO NOT try to console me with, "But lots of kids do that", or something of the sort. Lots of kids don't have a brain that's been affected by trauma.)

Then, I got my happy.

This is the first time he's done this. On a whim, I asked if he'd like to feed Baby Bear. Bubby looked at me, incredulous, and fed her like it was the most familiar thing in the world. He's pretty amazing like that. I'm so proud of how far this boy has come!

After Bubby left on the bus, I started to get in a funk again about my daughter's RAD behaviors. I prayed about it, but didn't really give it all to the Lord. 

There was a knock at the door. A precious friend brought some gifts for Bubby, including money to buy the adaptive clothing that we really wanted to help him be more independent. 

 

God is so good. Even when we have trouble trusting.

God is the Abba Daddy to all my kids. He knows my frustration with RAD. He has a good plan for my girl...and all of them. 

And me.

Characteristics of the Child Molester

My ex husband is a child molester. He'll be in prison for a long time.

It's taken me over 2 years to be able to write with much detail in this public venue. My prayer is that I can continue to be used through this situation. I remember right after he was taken to custody, I stumbled upon an article written by a woman whose minister husband was found guilty of the same. Until then, I felt very alone. Hopefully, I can reach someone who is facing a similar, hellish experience.

With that said, I want to tell you about some characteristics and commonalities of child molesters.

• They are extremely sneaky. My ex (I'll call him EC for simplicity's sake) was (and I can only assume still is) a master of deception. The question I asked myself countless times after the arrest was, "How could I not know?" I lived with the guy for over twelve years--how did I miss this? 
• They are narcissistic. Everything they do is for attention and they can do no wrong. See this post for more info on this topic.
• They often choose careers and situations that put them in close proximity to children. EC was a children's minister and preschool teacher. We also adopted three kids. My heart breaks over this. We pledged in each child's country to care for these children. He broke that promise in the worst sort of way. My motivation for adopting was a God-given call to care for the orphan. I shiver to think of what EC's motivation was.
• They "gas light" those around them. This page has an excellent explanation of this term. I began to doubt my sanity and memory, after years of living with EC. He used these tactics to hide what he was doing to the kids. I truly felt like I was going crazy at times.
• They blame the victims. I am sickened to tell you how many grown adults I have heard of use the excuse, "She/he asked for it.", when referring to the children they have victimized. Seriously???? A child. Similarly, they use the gas lighting technique to turn their sympathizers against their victims. 

This is by no means an exhaustive list of traits of the child molester. However, I do want you to be aware so that you can help others in this situation.

And, as always, if you or someone you know are in this situation, PLEASE reach out. My kids are safe because a little girl was brave enough to talk to a trusted adult.

You are not alone.