Characteristics of the Child Molester

My ex husband is a child molester. He'll be in prison for a long time.

It's taken me over 2 years to be able to write with much detail in this public venue. My prayer is that I can continue to be used through this situation. I remember right after he was taken to custody, I stumbled upon an article written by a woman whose minister husband was found guilty of the same. Until then, I felt very alone. Hopefully, I can reach someone who is facing a similar, hellish experience.

With that said, I want to tell you about some characteristics and commonalities of child molesters.

• They are extremely sneaky. My ex (I'll call him EC for simplicity's sake) was (and I can only assume still is) a master of deception. The question I asked myself countless times after the arrest was, "How could I not know?" I lived with the guy for over twelve years--how did I miss this? 
• They are narcissistic. Everything they do is for attention and they can do no wrong. See this post for more info on this topic.
• They often choose careers and situations that put them in close proximity to children. EC was a children's minister and preschool teacher. We also adopted three kids. My heart breaks over this. We pledged in each child's country to care for these children. He broke that promise in the worst sort of way. My motivation for adopting was a God-given call to care for the orphan. I shiver to think of what EC's motivation was.
• They "gas light" those around them. This page has an excellent explanation of this term. I began to doubt my sanity and memory, after years of living with EC. He used these tactics to hide what he was doing to the kids. I truly felt like I was going crazy at times.
• They blame the victims. I am sickened to tell you how many grown adults I have heard of use the excuse, "She/he asked for it.", when referring to the children they have victimized. Seriously???? A child. Similarly, they use the gas lighting technique to turn their sympathizers against their victims. 

This is by no means an exhaustive list of traits of the child molester. However, I do want you to be aware so that you can help others in this situation.

And, as always, if you or someone you know are in this situation, PLEASE reach out. My kids are safe because a little girl was brave enough to talk to a trusted adult.

You are not alone.