When Your World Comes Crashing Down

I see you there.

You feel like your world has ended, burned to the ground. That hard knot in your throat makes it impossible to talk. The words just won't come out of your mouth. You try to force them out and then the tears just start flowing again--that stupid waterfall from your eyes.

You just got THE CALL. The one your doctor told you might happen.

You just found out your marriage--the one that lasted 12 years--was his façade and built on a mountain of lies. You wonder why you fought for it in vain.

You found your child...your baby...lifeless in his little bed, still covered in his favorite snuggly blanket.

Your husband came home from work, a depth of sadness in his eyes, and told you that he was laid off with dozens of others.

........

People mean well. Some do. They bring you a casserole, give you a hug, sit and listen for a bit.

Some people though--- they purposefully ignore you in the store, they "unfriend" you...your pain makes them feel awkward.

And the verses...people keep quoting Bible verses to you--most of which you memorized in 1986, while sitting in Sunday School, chewing on the ribbons on the new dress your mom saved up to buy for you from Penney's.

"I know!", you want to shout at them. "Where is God?" "Why did He do this to me?"

Like Job in the book of the Bible that bears his name, you are experiencing hardships that others don't understand. The people who were supposed to be Job's support network, were less than supportive. Job went through a rollercoaster of emotions, but remained faithful to his God. 

As his friends badgered him with judgment of his predicament, he replied, "I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth" (Job 19:25) After Job gets a talking-to by God Himself, He truly sees the extent of God's power and that He uses all things for our good and His glory. 

Job says of God, “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me. My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." (Job 42:4-5) He had a working knowledge of God, especially since everything in his life was seemingly perfect. However, after tragedy struck, he truly realized how powerful God is. And afterward, God blessed Him more richly than He had before. 

Regardless of how well people comfort you, God is for you. He really does make beauty from ashes. I know it's difficult to see that in the moment. When your world comes crashing down, don't forget who holds yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Who has wisdom that surpasses ours. He loves you and wants to have a relationship with you. Hard things can draw us closer to Him. Lean on the Lord. He'll get you through it.

11:11

What's up with 11:11, you ask? Well, there's absolutely nothing magical about it. It's a time, just like 4:57. But, for me, God has used it as a reminder that He has a good plan for me. His timing is perfect. He loves me enough to have it all under control. He always seems to let me look at the clock when it says 11:11, and a peace fills my soul.

Hebrews11:1 says,

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (NLT) In fact, that whole chapter is a long list of ordinary people who trusted God to come through when things seemed impossible. One of my favorites is actually verse 11 (that would make it Hebrews 11:11, cool, huh?) "It was by faith that even Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and was too old. She believed that God would keep his promise."(NLT) I'm not as old as Sarah, but it makes me feel like it when the nurses at my OB office say, "Because of your advanced maternal age...". I guess it is a little out of the ordinary to have 4 kids, but be pregnant with your first at age 36! Baby Hannah Faith is a very special miracle. 11:11 also reminds me that God usually seems to come through at the eleventh hour. His timing is not ours. I'm normally fretting and worrying, with everything about a situation feeling like it's falling apart around me. And there He is. He already knows the answer. He already has the most perfect plan. He just asks us to trust Him. And like the majority of the people featured in Hebrews 11, God sometimes asks us to do HUGE things that don't make sense to other people. Like build a giant boat in the dessert, sacrifice a most dearly loved possession, or start walking to your destiny without knowing the destination.  Another thing that Hebrews 11 drives home, is that all those people didn't see the full fruition of their faith on this earth. They knew that the real prize was waiting on them in Heaven. So, next time you (and I) feel frustrated with a lack of direction or answers in a situation, just remember that He has everything about that situation under control. He is working everything out for your good. (For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11)

Infertility...

Infertility stinks. It really does. I know because I dealt with it for almost 13 years. 

Now, I'm probably not the one you want to hear this from. At this point, I'm 19 weeks pregnant.

This is me:

AND...I'M ABSOLUTELY NOT HERE TO PATRONIZE YOU.

You've had enough of that. Enough of people telling you some sex position you need to try (awkward!), or that their best friend's niece's cousin adopted and then suddenly found they were pregnant.

My situation is a bit different. My ex-husband is infertile and I dealt with the grief that comes with being told that we had less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant. The grief is real. It really is the death of a dream.

And the end of that marriage is another story for another day...

Fast forward to now-- and I have three amazing, quirky, adorable children via international adoption, and a beautiful and talented step-daughter. God did restore the years the locusts had eaten (Joel 2:25). He gave me a husband who loves and serves God above all else. He is my best friend. And he knows great loss. We get each other.

And for some reason, shortly after we got married in January, God allowed me to get pregnant. He did fulfill that dream and desire of my heart.

But for some, it's not to be. I don't pretend to know why. My heart breaks for you though.

I can't tell you why-- or what you should do next when the doctor says that in vitro is not working, there are no sperm to be found, or a hysterectomy is eminent.

Maybe you are supposed to adopt. Or maybe God is sending you into a ministry where it would be difficult to raise a family. I don't have the answers for you.

I can tell you one thing for certain.

Grieve.

Oh, please don't emotionally push past this. Don't tough it out on your own. Grieve as a couple and press into the Lord. Cry out to Him. He is your Abba Daddy and He loves you. Crawl into His Daddy lap and cry. Cling to Him and mourn this loss.  And I won't lie--sometimes this step requires you to process your grief through a counselor. There is no shame.

And when you have come to a place where you are at peace, take the next brave step. Seek His will for your life and step out.

No one can tell you what that step is, except the Lord. I'm not telling you to put your fingers in your ears and chant, "La-la-la-la...", because sometimes God uses other people to show us where He is leading.

And in the meantime, it's okay to decline the baby shower invites (I've even snuck out of a couple of them while quickly wiping the tears away.) Take your time.

If this is something you are dealing with, feel free to respond in the comments. Let's talk.

If I could, I would meet with you for coffee and girl talk. The comment section will have to do at this point!