11:11

What's up with 11:11, you ask? Well, there's absolutely nothing magical about it. It's a time, just like 4:57. But, for me, God has used it as a reminder that He has a good plan for me. His timing is perfect. He loves me enough to have it all under control. He always seems to let me look at the clock when it says 11:11, and a peace fills my soul.

Hebrews11:1 says,

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (NLT) In fact, that whole chapter is a long list of ordinary people who trusted God to come through when things seemed impossible. One of my favorites is actually verse 11 (that would make it Hebrews 11:11, cool, huh?) "It was by faith that even Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and was too old. She believed that God would keep his promise."(NLT) I'm not as old as Sarah, but it makes me feel like it when the nurses at my OB office say, "Because of your advanced maternal age...". I guess it is a little out of the ordinary to have 4 kids, but be pregnant with your first at age 36! Baby Hannah Faith is a very special miracle. 11:11 also reminds me that God usually seems to come through at the eleventh hour. His timing is not ours. I'm normally fretting and worrying, with everything about a situation feeling like it's falling apart around me. And there He is. He already knows the answer. He already has the most perfect plan. He just asks us to trust Him. And like the majority of the people featured in Hebrews 11, God sometimes asks us to do HUGE things that don't make sense to other people. Like build a giant boat in the dessert, sacrifice a most dearly loved possession, or start walking to your destiny without knowing the destination.  Another thing that Hebrews 11 drives home, is that all those people didn't see the full fruition of their faith on this earth. They knew that the real prize was waiting on them in Heaven. So, next time you (and I) feel frustrated with a lack of direction or answers in a situation, just remember that He has everything about that situation under control. He is working everything out for your good. (For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11)

Infertility...

Infertility stinks. It really does. I know because I dealt with it for almost 13 years. 

Now, I'm probably not the one you want to hear this from. At this point, I'm 19 weeks pregnant.

This is me:

AND...I'M ABSOLUTELY NOT HERE TO PATRONIZE YOU.

You've had enough of that. Enough of people telling you some sex position you need to try (awkward!), or that their best friend's niece's cousin adopted and then suddenly found they were pregnant.

My situation is a bit different. My ex-husband is infertile and I dealt with the grief that comes with being told that we had less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant. The grief is real. It really is the death of a dream.

And the end of that marriage is another story for another day...

Fast forward to now-- and I have three amazing, quirky, adorable children via international adoption, and a beautiful and talented step-daughter. God did restore the years the locusts had eaten (Joel 2:25). He gave me a husband who loves and serves God above all else. He is my best friend. And he knows great loss. We get each other.

And for some reason, shortly after we got married in January, God allowed me to get pregnant. He did fulfill that dream and desire of my heart.

But for some, it's not to be. I don't pretend to know why. My heart breaks for you though.

I can't tell you why-- or what you should do next when the doctor says that in vitro is not working, there are no sperm to be found, or a hysterectomy is eminent.

Maybe you are supposed to adopt. Or maybe God is sending you into a ministry where it would be difficult to raise a family. I don't have the answers for you.

I can tell you one thing for certain.

Grieve.

Oh, please don't emotionally push past this. Don't tough it out on your own. Grieve as a couple and press into the Lord. Cry out to Him. He is your Abba Daddy and He loves you. Crawl into His Daddy lap and cry. Cling to Him and mourn this loss.  And I won't lie--sometimes this step requires you to process your grief through a counselor. There is no shame.

And when you have come to a place where you are at peace, take the next brave step. Seek His will for your life and step out.

No one can tell you what that step is, except the Lord. I'm not telling you to put your fingers in your ears and chant, "La-la-la-la...", because sometimes God uses other people to show us where He is leading.

And in the meantime, it's okay to decline the baby shower invites (I've even snuck out of a couple of them while quickly wiping the tears away.) Take your time.

If this is something you are dealing with, feel free to respond in the comments. Let's talk.

If I could, I would meet with you for coffee and girl talk. The comment section will have to do at this point! 

Nice People

Many years ago, when I first started college, I was very naive...and sheltered. I had moved 2 hours away to a little Baptist college from my very small hometown. I got all settled, made a few friends and had explored my new community. One day, I told my friend, "There are so many nice people here!" She replied, incredulous, "There are nice people everywhere." I was a bit miffed and little stung by her retort. In my naive, sheltered, 18 year old mind, the only nice people were in my hometown. Everyone else was a stranger. I didn't understand that there really are nice people everywhere--that's not to say everyone is nice, or worthy of our trust, for that matter. Just that not everyone in a new place is an evil stranger.

I would hope that most young people have experienced communities outside of their own. Last year, I moved my 3 kids for a month from small town Southern suburbia to inner city New Jersey and Philadelphia, so my son could get some extensive medical treatment at a hospital there. That was an enlightening experience! And...thankfully, I had already made several friends there on our many previous visits to the hospital who selflessly took us in, fed us, brought/sent us treats, etc.

There really are nice people everywhere.

Do you have experience outside of your comfort zone? Is it a priority for you to put your children in a position to safely explore a new environment? Youth group/family mission trips are a great way to facilitate this. Service projects that teach your children (and remind you) how to be "the nice person." Volunteer at a food pantry, visit an Eastern European orphanage, go with your church to Central America to teach Bible club, take in a foster child, walk across the sanctuary to greet the new person at church, visit your elderly neighbor and ask her about her experiences, volunteer at your local Ronald McDonald House, (this list could literally go on and on...)

"So why should I be the nice person?"

Because, it's the right thing to do.

  Do to others as you would like them to do to you. “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them!  And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.

“Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. (Luke 6:31-36)

And...I will go a bit further by reminding you (and me!) to be kind to those who don't look/act/think/believe like you. God made them too. God loves them too. Be kind. 

You never know when someone is hurting. They might just need a friend.

Be the nice person.

Using Our Hard Things to Help Others

Tonight, after our usual family devotions, we began discussing how each of our children could use the challenges in their lives to help others. Now, granted, in our family we run the gamut of challenges--from death of a sibling...to adoption...to physical special needs...to past abuse.

This is an important seed to plant in our children's hearts (and our own); and we all have had individual struggles and challenges that others have as well.

Toward the end of the discussion, I mentioned to our youngest daughter (who was adopted from Guatemala as a baby), that she might one day go back to Guatemala to help people there. She replied with 9-year-old wisdom, "I can go teach people like my birth mom to read."  I had told her that the girls in Guatemala only go to school for a couple of years, if that; and that her birth mother was illiterate.  We went around the room and each of our four kids prayed. Her prayer was that the she could go to Guatemala when she is a grown up and teach the women that they are just as important as the men, and help the girls to go to school and learn to read.

Did I forget to mention that reading doesn't come easily for her? She has dyslexia. However, she knows that she is blessed to live in a country where education is freely available for all children--no matter their gender.

And one day when she is grown, I pray that she does board a plane to her homeland. And that little girls with chocolate-brown eyes and raven black hair will learn that they are precious and valuable.

How can you use the hard things in your life to encourage others and bring them closer to Christ?

How have you been encouraged by others during your challenging times?

Make a list of the challenges you have overcome--the mountains God has moved in your life--and pray that He will give you opportunities to come in contact with others who might need a word of encouragement.

Here's some of mine so far:  infertility, infidelity of a spouse (not this marriage!), adoption, abuse, divorce, remarriage, blended families, step parenting, parenting a child with special needs, parenting a child with RAD, parenting a child who's been abused, etc, etc.

God is good. He brings us through. He invites us to walk on water, with our eyes focusing solely on Him.

And then, we can encourage others who are walking the same path.

Light Pollution

I love my new home in the country. When I look up in the sky at night, I can actually see stars--so many stars. I know I can't see them all...but so many more than I could when we lived in the large metro area where we were previously living.

There's so much less light pollution in the country. No bright city lights. No glow in the sky from man made light. The sky is black and the stars are plentiful. Constellations, quasars, and pulsars.

Do you have light pollution in your life? Do you have distractions that keep you from your focus on God? Can you see Him clearly, or is your view marred? Are you focusing on the one who made those lights in the heavens?

Sold-Out

Sold Out-- No, in this case it does not mean that your friendly neighborhood grocery store is fresh out of that brand of toilet paper that is the perfect balance of not too scratchy and not too fluffy.

So...what does it mean?

A lack of apathy. When we are apathetic, we have a lack of enthusiasm, interest or concern. I feel like I'm talking in circles here, like when my little dog just can't quite catch her tail...but stay with me here...

When you are sold-out, you want to be more, do more, to live more for Christ. Not because of legalism.

No.

Jesus was clear that the pharisees did not have it right. And we DO NOT earn our salvation.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23)

We don't pay for a gift we receive, do we? At Christmas, do you watch your son open the new RC car he's been asking for for 10 months and then say, "Okay, I'm glad you love it--now, that'll be $38.95 plus tax and shipping."  No, you grin from ear to ear at his joy and hug him back when he thanks you. 

Jesus died to redeem us. When we receive His gift, we should want to please Him. Obey Him. Not take His sacrifice lightly or flippantly. REALLY know Him like a best friend. If you say that Cindy Lou is your best friend in the world, but never talk to her or spend time with her, you are not really best friends, are you? That would be slightly juvenile, wouldn't it? Like something my middle school aged daughter would do.

You and I should desire to know Him more all the time. To become more like Him. 

I've noticed my son picking up some new phrases and mannerisms from the other boys in his class at school. We instinctively conform to those we spend time with. We pick up ideals from the television shows we watch. 

In Romans 12, verse 2 it says, "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

So...what God is saying is that we are to allow Him to change us. That, in turn, causes us to more clearly be able to see His perfect plan for us. 

As Christians, we shouldn't look like the world. God's best usually looks backwards, upside down and inside out from what the world expects. Sometimes he asks us to do some pretty radical things. 

The question is, are you "sold-old" for Jesus? 

Do you say yes when He asks you to do something that seems counter-culture?

Do you hear Him speak to you? When I stop hearing Him so clearly, that sometimes means I'm not having regular conversation with Him--not reading the Bible, not praying and seeking His face, not worshipping Him at His throne.

Don't be apathetic. Be sold-out.

God Won't Give You More Than You Can Handle?

"God won't give you more than you can handle." said the well meaning friend/acquaintance/coworker/f@cebook "friend"/great-aunt Millie...

But does He? Is that even a verse?

This phrase is thrown around a lot in Christian circles. So, where does it come from? And if God is so good, why is He doing this to me?

The actual verse reads, "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." (1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT)

The verses that surround this passage are actually talking about the temptation to sin and to conform to the world around you. So, what does this have to do with when bad things happen to you? 

Let me make something clear--God allows hard things in our lives to 

1.) Cause us to trust and lean on Him more,

"We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us." (2 Corinthians 1:8-10 NLT)

2.) Make us stronger and prepared for more later in life.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2-4 NLT)

Do these verses sound like they are telling us that God won't give us more than we can handle?

No...but they do offer hope that when He does allow hard things to happen in our lives that He will be there. He is developing perseverance and maturity in us.

And when we flippantly say to someone who is hurting and feels like their whole world is crashing down around them, that "God won't give you more than you can handle."--they could in turn, blame God for doing it to them. They could say, "But this is MORE than I can handle...God, you're not holding up your end of the deal!" 

Wow...you wanted to make them feel better, right? Why not say, "God will give you the strength you need" (Philippians 4:13), or best of all, "What can I do for you?" 

For our family, the past year has been overwhelming at best and tragic at most. I can't tell you how often people have offered to help and I've said no. Pride. Or being overwhelmed. The "What can we do for you?" is met with a blank zombie-like stare. When things were the hardest, I did well to put one foot in front of the other. I couldn't think ahead to what we needed. So, from experience, jump in and do something. Insist on doing something specific. 

Listen. Offer a hug. Bring the grieving family a meal. Mow the single mom's yard *, offer free babysitting, and for goodness sakes--FOLLOW THROUGH.

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. (Matthew 25:35-40)

*This in no way is a hint that I need my yard to be mowed. But if you want to help with something, I've learned to say yes. :)